by Pastor John Kim

I’m sure that many are intrigued by the issue of dating but I wanted to go back and review a few thoughts from the first DTR series before we address some of the more current issues.

1. DTR w/ God – Defining the relationship with your God.

This is the the relationship that is most foundational and primary. Without having a right relationship with God and pursuing righteousness daily, there is really no hope of having a successful dating relationship. It is all too easy to see many “Christians” even “pray” for a dating relationship when there is no other indication of a discipline for the purpose of godliness. It is frightening to see men who have absolutely no intention of providing spiritual leadership try and pose like they actually care about someone when in fact the only person they care about is themselves. There are ladies who would do likewise in looking for someone to place security and significance, when only God can truly provide those things. Without having defined your relationship with God, you can only expect a hollow relationship that will inevitably reveal itself for what it is: a fraudulent pursuit of self-fulfillment at the expense of another person’s heart and even body.

2. DTR w/ Family – Defining the relationship with your family.

There are many who have unhealthy family relationships, whether with their parents or with their siblings, or even with extended family members. There needs to be a clear sense in which a Christ-centered focus is given to addressing family relationships so that there is no doubt as to what defines the family relationships. Only God can provide the true framework for proper marriage and parenting relationships. So, for many who have not had the opportunity to grow under a God-centered home, it is a challenge to address the realities of home life and consider how they are relating to their parents and other family members. This can be somewhat tricky in that there is a fine line between honoring parents and then having to decide whether to obey them regarding a dating relationship, especially when you see that their world view is not really one that seeks God’s glory first but rather their own. But it is only with much prayer and humility that you can move forward in this issue regardless of the state of your family relationships. But, at the same time, you can’t afford to neglect addressing your family without having repercussions down the road.

3. DTR w/ Church – Defining the relationship with your church.

It is amazing to me to see how cheaply many people treat the role of the local church in their lives. There are many who even question the validity of the concept of the local church, justifying their lack of involvement by saying they are part of the universal church. The lack of genuine accountability and discipleship is one of the major contributing factors to problems in dating relationships and it really goes back to the fact that many have not defined what it means to be an active participant in a local church. I would go as far as to say that if someone was not vitally involved in a local church and in solid accountability that they have no right to subject someone to a whimsical farce of a relationship that is narrowly centered on an individualistic mindset. These relationships will lack the resources of godly wisdom from older men and women (not peers) that comes from being involved in a network of relationships founded within a local church setting.

4. DTR w/ Your Spouse – Defining the relationship with your (future) spouse.

For those who are single, you must consider that one day you will have to face your spouse and answer for how you conducted yourself before you got married. There are many who have much to regret because they failed to save the best for their spouse. Many have even ridiculed the idea of saving your kisses for your spouse, thinking that is old-fashioned or just plain unrealistic. But I would submit to you that the more you save in the present, the less you will regret in the future. And your future spouse will bless you for it! But for those of you foolish enough to think that you can play Russian roulette and get away with it, think again. God takes your purity seriously, in body and in heart and mind, and you cannot expect to think that there are no consequences that you will have to face in the future. You cannot presume on God’s grace to simply disregard future consequences. If you really desire to be a blessing to your future spouse, consider that person, even if you don’t know them now, and define what you would bring to them as a wedding gift, the gift of your life.

I know that when we had the first DTR series, it did not address a lot of practical dating issues so much as it addressed foundational issues. But one of the greatest blessings that I have been privileged to hear is that someone actually came to know Christ through the DTR series! That was probably the best result out of a dating message that I have ever been able to witness! God was so good to bring someone to salvation through a dating series of all things.

One of the sad things that I witnessed was that there were a good number of people who simply disregarded what was taught and made bad choices that resulted in some regretful consequences. I guess many must simply learn the hard way through experience, though this is not necessary. Some people have even said that it was best that they learned through experience, to which I would give a hearty – “May it never be!!” That’s the whole point of living by faith, trusting in God’s ways, even when you can’t see an immediate benefit, but knowing that He will keep true to His promises to make your paths straight (Prov. 3:5-6).

Well there’s the review. We’ll start tackling the preview soon…