by Elder Peter Lim
In my previous article, I focused on the changes that occur in a Christian’s heart as he matures spiritually. Today I’d like to focus on changes that occur within Christian circles of friends. There are many different circumstances that lead Christians to decide whether to stay at the church of their childhood (physical or spiritual) or to move on to a new church. There are valid reasons for both. Unfortunately some people make decisions like this for invalid reasons as well. Either way, these scenarios will afford more mature Christians an opportunity to respond differently to these situations than a less mature one.
A sign of spiritual maturity is that changes in friendship occur deliberately for the purpose of maximizing God’s glory.
Here are some common scenarios:
Newcomers
Nobody likes changes when things are going well. In a healthy church situation, there will be close friendships as people share their lives with one another in mutual accountability and care. When new people visit, they come in search of a community of believers who will welcome them into their fellowship. A mature person knows this and will go out of his way to welcome new people into their circles. Eventually, the size of a group of close friends grows beyond the ability of the group to maintain their close ties and also welcome new people in. As a result, those circles will often change and a sense of closeness with the same group of people will be lost. This is good and appropriate because it’s done deliberately for the purpose of maximizing God’s glory.
Station in Life
Collegians often spend a lot of time with each other because they are often roommates with one another and they have common struggles as students. They may even have the same vacation schedule for Summer, Fall, and Spring breaks, enabling them to spend time with one another. As they transition to a working adult lifestyle, many old friendships change. Some start to get married and have children. Almost necessarily, friendships change depending on when children are born since the parents tend to gravitate toward their children’s age group. Station in life changes are obvious but my point in all of this is to remind all of us that just because the feelings of closeness with old friends may change over time, a mature Christian can understand and even deliberately make these changes for the sake of ministry to those who they are better suited for. Old friends are not lost. New ones are gained. Certainly the old friendships will be different due to less time being spent with them. Mature believers will have a heavenly perspective, knowing that to live is Christ. We will have an eternity not only to spend in the presence of Jesus but with old friends as well.
Church Plant
Perhaps nothing is as difficult or deliberate as the change in friendships that take place as a result of planting a new church. The ones who are most likely to leave are those same faithful servants who have been serving actively in key roles at the home church. These would be dear brothers and sisters in Christ with whom we have been developing close friendships with. Why would we put ourselves through this kind of sacrifice? For the sake of the gospel of course. Not many churches are committed to doing this however. That’s because it’s not easy to purposely send people away because the home church would be stronger with them than without them, and it’s not easy to purposely part ways with close friends. This would only make sense if one understands that God’s glory is at stake here. It takes a mature believer to think this way.
Of course these scenarios are just a sampling of the many changes that may take place in a person’s life. These changes are best dealt with by mature Christians because we will deliberately make changes in friendships for God’s glory. We will trust God with those changes that are difficult or painful. Have you deliberately made changes in friendships that result in less comfort/convenience for yourself but results in more glory for God? If so, that’s a sign that you are maturing in Christ.