by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz
Editor’s Note: You can listen to the class and download the handout.
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Rom. 12:21)
That verse alone should condemn the majority of conflicts that have arisen in the past, since most people, even those who profess to know Christ, blatantly disregard what God commands here. We seem to see this verse and its message to be a simple and naïve view of real life, not paying attention to the fact that Paul the apostle is writing this having already suffered much at the hands of men for the sake of Jesus Christ and making Him known. This is what Paul realized:
[A] true peacemaker is guided, motivated, and empowered by his or her identity in Christ. This identity is based on faith in the most amazing promise we could ever hear: God has forgiven all our sins and made peace with us through the death and resurrection of his Son. And he has given us the freedom and power to turn from sin (and conflict), to be conformed to the likeness of Christ, and to be his ambassadors of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:16-20). It is the realization of who we are in Christ that inspires us to do the unnatural work of dying to self, confessing sin, addressing others’ wrongs graciously, laying down rights, and forgiving deep hurts—even when people who persist in opposing or mistreating us. (p.248)
God, in saving us, has not left us alone to deal with our conflicts, but has given us His Word, prayer, truth, righteousness, the Gospel, faith, and the Spirit-filled character (Eph. 6:10-18; Gal. 5:22-23). In his letter to Rome, Paul lays out 5 principles that help make an effective and victorious offense in dealing with conflict (Rom. 12:14-21).
Control Your Tongue
When a dispute gets more loud or intense, it’s at this crucial time that we must control our tongues (Rom. 12:14). We must actively speak gracious truth to those we are in conflict with, speaking well of them and being kind with our language (1 Peter 3:9). By doing this, you also will have a more real view of the situation, as well as a loving attitude. This will continue dialogue, not stifle it.
Seek Godly Advisors
Find men and women who will be biblical in their advice and not be afraid to correct and admonish you when they see you in the wrong (Rom. 12:15-16; Pro. 27:5-6). “If a lack of noticeable progress causes you to doubt the biblical principles you are following, you may be tempted to abandon God’s ways and resort to the world’s tactics” (p.250). This is why godly advisors can help you stay on course, especially when it’s hard.
Keep Doing What Is Right
Whether the person who is against you responds positively or negatively is irrelevant when it comes to you doing right (Rom. 12:17). You need to be careful in your planning and acting that when anyone can see how you are during this conflict, they should reason that you are in the right (1 Peter 2:12, 15; 3:15b-16; 1 Sam. 24:1-22).
Recognize Your Limits
Do whatever you can to be reconciled or at peace with others, knowing that you cannot force anyone to do what is right (Rom. 12:18). This is all God asks of you, and you do not have to keep trying to solve the problem when the other person continually refuses you. To succeed is to be faithful in obeying God’s will (Ecc. 12:13b). Knowing your limits is specifically related to your temptation of wanting to exact revenge on the one who does you wrong. You are not God, for He will mete out justice and punish the unrepentant (Rom. 12:19; Pro. 20:22). He uses the church (Matt. 18:17-20), the civil courts (Rom. 13:1-5) or even Satan (1 Cor. 5:5; 1 Tim. 1:20) to deal with them. Following God’s revealed will is always the best way to go.
Use the Ultimate Weapon
The ultimate weapon, according to Rom. 12:20-21 is deliberate, focused love (cf. Luke 6:27-28; 1 Cor. 13:4-7). What Christ calls of His own is to find whatever your opponents’ deepest needs are and meet them. This may come out in showing them their faults, showing them compassion, patience, words of encouragement, or even providing material and financial help to those who are least deserving or who even least expect it from you. “As we love our enemies and seek to meet their needs, we can glorify God and protect our souls from the acid of bitterness and resentment…God may use our loving acts to soften the hearts of our opponents” (p.255). Pray that our church and our individual lives would reflect the love of Christ to a lost and dying world, especially when we least think about it: during conflicts.